Jonathan

I feel honored to be a Muslim...

And I feel that way for many reasons.  There are many norms in the society I live that are opposite to what it is to be Muslim.   And when I first came to this way of life, I didn’t know how well I would fair with it.  To become Muslim was essentially to join a visible minority, and that’s not something I would ordinarily be so keen to do.  However, after learning the unadulterated teachings of Islam, I found myself compelled to embrace Islam as an absolute truth.

Having spent a large portion of my short life not being Muslim, I know the darkness that God speaks of in the Quran.  I remember what it was like when Allah opened my eyes and shined light where the darkness had once been.  In the beginning of my life, I had no definite form of absolute guidance. 

The simplest aspects of creation would boggle my mind. I was totally oblivious to the miracles God put in nature.  One time in particular I recall learning about evaporation in science class.  I was unable to comprehend it.  Not the how, but the why it happened. 

I understood the idea of the water cycle and its importance for life, but what would make the water essentially disappear and float back up to the sky? 

When  viewing this question, without knowing God, my mind ran into a mental block at which point I could not come up with the answer.  Boggled by the thought, I merely shrugged my shoulders and threw it to the back of my mind.

When looking at the human body, and how it’s made largely of water, or looking at the universe and trying to comprehend what was beyond it.  I would be faced with the mental barricade of not being able to comprehend the reason for its creation.

Time and time again scientists could explain the how, but never the why.  They could explain purpose within the mechanics of creation, but they could never explain the purpose for the mechanics itself.  What caused the mechanics?  What caused nature to have laws?

Having been brought up in a non-practicing Christian family,  I had a general understanding of the principles of Christianity.  The reason why I never turned to it for guidance was because it had never made sense to me.  When I heard the word “God” as a child, I recall remembering an absolute, single, omnipotent being somewhere out there. 

My problem with Christianity was the dogma, and more specifically the beliefs about God.  The issue of a  “Triune” God that is essentially three different individuals that all unite to take on the role of the “One” God.  I know that is not how the Doctrine of Trinity is official promoted, and any Bible thumping Christian would probably accuse me of not understanding the Doctrine, but that’s the reality that I saw in it

Besides the inherent problems contained within the Doctrine of Trinity, I used to look at the fact that the Christians worship Jesus, and I would say, “If they worship Jesus, where does God come in?”   Especially since Jesus is narrated as having said in the Bible that the Father who is in the Heavens is Greater.

Around that time, I unofficially rejected Christianity. I became a Christian / Atheist / Agnostic.  I began to live life trying to come to terms with my surroundings and myself.  Not knowing of a greater purpose, I saw no problem in taking part in destructive activities of any kind; on condition I would receive some sort of satisfaction from it.

I had little or no regard for my own body, or anybody else’s for that matter.  I began to turn to the common reality escape, namely drugs and alcohol.  At first using them as a social tool, and eventually using them habitually as a sedative.  If people ever told me I should calm down, I would tell them I could stop if I had a reason, but I had no reason.   And I lead my life like that for some years, eventually going deeper into it, experimenting with other types of drugs and at one point I even began selling them. 

But eventually I started to feel a consciousness within me looking for some sort of consoling.  Although I was lost and in the dark, since I never saw the light, I didn’t know the difference between the two.  I began to think of “the bigger picture.”

I began to think about death.  I tried to comprehend the concept of nothingness, and as many times before in my life, when trying to contemplate the purpose, my mind drew blanks.  Until one night, while I lay on my bed, deep in thought  , I turned my face to the sky, and I said “God, if you’re real, and You exist, please help me!”